salutations
old sport
hello and welcome to my blog. i like a lot of things here like red vs blue, hetalia, star trek, homestuck, and especially cute animals. sometimes i do things too.

Jay // 22 // So Cal
Aug

The second time I overdosed,
my body couldn’t handle it,
and I threw it all up.
I texted my dad saying,
“I think I took a little too many pills”.

And every time I’ve overdosed,
I always downplay it.
I’ve always tried to act
like it wasn’t a big deal.

That having the urge to swallow a whole bottle of pills
was something daily that normal people do.
My dad hurried home and saw the empty bottle
and he shook me to make sure I was awake.
I kept mumbling “I threw it up.. I threw it up..”
while I was drifting off to sleep.
He had to wake me up every 15 minutes
to make sure I was okay.

Let me tell you now,
it is a big deal.

The third time I overdosed,
I slept through first and second period
and passed out in the counselor’s office.
I didn’t want to go to the ER.
I just wanted to go home.
All I wanted to do was sleep.
Again, I just said,
“I think I took too many pills this morning.”

The fifth time I overdosed,
my dad found the empty pill box.
I hallucinated, I had a fever.
I couldn’t move my legs.
All I could do was scream,
“Don’t take me to the hospital this time.
I don’t want to go!”

I became friends with a girl who had overdosed
she’s one of my best friends now
and when I heard she was hospitalized as well,
it just makes me realize how real this problem is.

A couple months ago, another friend of mine overdosed.
Do you realize how fucked up it is,
that I’ve done it so many times
that I know the exact procedure that she’s going to go through?
She messaged me saying,
“I took a bunch of pills,
but I just realized I didn’t want to die.
I don’t know what to do.
Help.”

And I’m screaming at her over the screen
that she should throw it up and call 911
because sometimes when someone you love
decides that they hate the world,
that’s all you can do.
You can’t teleport through the phone.
You can’t travel through the internet.
You can’t be there to hold them
and take them to the hospital.

Your love is not charcoal that can
absorb all their poison in their life.
I know, love that you would have done all you could.
Sometimes words aren’t enough.
Sometimes love isn’t enough.
Sometimes a person needs to try dying
to know that that’s not really what they want.
There’s nothing you could have done.
You’ve done all you could.
Just keep loving them.

But you see the thing is,
I got lucky.
I’ve made it back from 5 overdoses
without a scratch on me.
But that’s not always the case.
My favorite teacher’s stepdaughter
locked herself in her room and overdosed.

To this day,
her stepmother still has a scar on her heart.
To this day,
on the anniversary of her death,
her stepmother still stays home from school
on the anniversary of her death.
Her sister is in a bad mental state,
and so is her biological mother.
Her family has fallen apart.

You overdose because you think
you will get a peaceful release from death.
It’s not peaceful.
It is not like falling asleep.
It is convulsions, vomiting,
muscle spasms, fevers,
and sharp stomach pains.

An overdose is not instant.

Hollywood has you believing,
that an overdose
is how a lady should exit the world.
As quiet as she came in,
Peaceful and unnoticed.

You will go out kicking and screaming
and wishing you hadn’t taken them.

6:03 p.m. (I think I’m done overdosing)

Dedicated to Rae

(via expresswithsilence)

   
1 day ago reblog
178508
Aug

i cannot sleep so i am up recording lines for the chronicle

1 week ago reblog
1
Aug

teenhamlet:

fellow white people, please stop making it about you. do not post loud public apologies that allow you to get patted on the back. share resources, continue to spread the word, keep the fire burning. dont make it about you. its not about you.

1 week ago reblog
10139
Aug

queer-terror:

sometimes it’s really hard not to hate this country.

this is extremely relevant rn

1 week ago reblog
107673
Aug

naturepunk:

Apparently, in an attempt to paint Michael Brown as anything less than innocent, people have been spreading an image of an armed 17-year-old Joda Cain around the web and claiming that it’s Michael Brown.

Joda Cain is accused of murder in my home state of Oregon, and has literally jack shit to do with the Michael Brown murder in Ferguson, Missouri. THESE ARE NOT THE SAME PEOPLE. Anyone using the above image as “proof” that Michael Brown “deserved” to be shot should be called out for defamation, and promptly thrown down a spiral staircase. 

The bottom photo is the real Michael Brown. He was called a “gentle giant” by friends and family. He was unarmed and innocent, and he was murdered by a police officer after being shot more than seven times at close range. Witnesses, including a friend who was with him at the time of the shooting, all agree that he was doing nothing deserving of such violent actions from the officer who gunned him down. 

1 week ago reblog
44724
Aug

obi-wankenblowme:

This is a collection of Tweets from military veterans reacting to the police response in Ferguson. 

And if this shit doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what will.

1 week ago reblog
102546
Aug

gradientlair:

Even as Black girls and Black women from young to old are erased from history, as both supporters of justice for Black people and as ones who also experience State violence, Black girls and Black women, young to old, regularly show up. Always have. No matter what lie anyone tells you whether on Twitter or in textbooks. 

1 week ago reblog
16348
Aug

saintkieren:

Some of the most striking, war zone-like, almost hellish looking images from the ongoing peaceful protests in Ferguson, Missouri over the murder of unarmed teenager Michael Brown.

1 week ago reblog
24125
Aug

platonicplant:

ma11ory:

hello-imaliveandwandwell:

hiroshimalated:

Please keep this circulating. Cops are getting more and more brazen, know your rights!

good to know

my brother is a police officer and these are all v true and things he made sure i knew but also remember the police can lie lie lie. the best thing, as mentioned, is to yell “i do not consent” repeatedly and hope someone will hear and act as an eyewitness for you

this is super important and we need to circulate this especially with the upcoming chicago raid ?? we need to do everything we can to protect possible victims of police brutality and hate crimes. it is not okay to break the law that goes for the people being arrested and the people arresting. stay safe.

1 week ago reblog
511916
Aug
1 week ago reblog
49249